Not One of "Those" Moms.

Okay, so I am not one of "those" moms that freaks out over every runny nose or cough. I'm not afraid of blood (good thing huh?) and for the first 2 almost 3 years of my first son's life he only saw the pediatrician for his well visits. I'm not a germaphobe and we just don't really get sick or injured around here. (I am so gonna knock on wood now that I've said this out loud!) Since hemophilia popped into our lives I'm usually the parent that handles the episodes. Taking Will to Childrens', being there to hold him and comfort him during his infusions, etc. This is all fine and good until the hemophilia child gets sick. Then I somehow morph into the mom you just don't want to be. Last week Will didn't feel well. It was Sunday night and it was hot and he just looked and felt crummy. I took his temp and it was 103. He didn't have any other symptoms but was just crying and wanted to be held. He slept bad and wasn't wanting to eat or drink anything. If he was "normal" I would have just done the normal things. Drink water, eat popcicles, cool washcloth, etc. wait for said fever to go down. But somehow this is when I put him into a "not normal" catagory. For some reason if he's not acting his normal self then it must be the hemophilia. There's something wrong. Even after doing a body check, moving limbs and joints around, checking every fleshy chubby part there is and find nothing, I still just can't act normal. Hemophilia turns me into one of those hysterical moms. A hypochondriac mom. There has to be something. I need answers. We go to the ER on a Sunday evening. The worse day and time you could ever think to go. I just couldn't wait until Monday. I had to go. I had to clear my mind. Still nothing. Yup! It's a fever. Monday comes around, morning is better but as luck would have it, the child decides to fall and cut his frenulum. (The piece of skin under your top lip, the one evey kid cuts at some point.) So back to Childrens' for infusion. This time I felt like "whew! at least he's getting a treatment." I don't know what's wrong but factor must be the magic potion to what ails him! No such luck. By the late afternoon, still battling a high fever. Hemophilia was making me crazy. Now I was crazy mom. Tues. back to Childrens' for a few blood tests, more factor and a urine test. I just had to know if hemophilia was getting the better of me. Well, it wasn't. I was getting the better of me. Wed. afternoon roseola showed up and the fever was gone. It was a virus. An everday stupid virus. Something "normal" kids get. So where do you find the happy medium in it all? On one side I am glad I followed my own internal checklist. Infuse first. Get it out of the way. Then act normal. On the other side I still couldn't act normal even though my bruiser "was" acting normal. He was a normal sick kid. Hmmm, I'll just file it all away in the brain and try to be less crazy the next time around.