a hard week

I probably will say this over and over again.  I feel really lucky.  But even my strength weakens now and then and that's okay.  Last week was a hard one.  Let me go back a awhile...

Will turned 1 year!  Hooray!  We made it to his first birthday without a major bleed.  He even took his first steps.  Such a cutie!  He also ended up with a nasty cold and ear infection.  Well a week later he was on the mend and then last Tues afternoon he got really clingy and fussy.  He had a low grade fever and just seemed uncomfortable.  I thought maybe his ear infection was flaring up and I knew he was teething.  I figured thoses were the answers.  I have taken the stance that although he has hemophilia that we need to go through a sort of checklist.  What "normal" things would I do first.  By Tues night he still wasn't feeling better and I was giving him tylenol.  So I checked all his joints, moved his limbs and did a once over.  Nothing seemed out of the ordinary.  It was a pretty rough night.  He was cryiing about every hour and a half.  I'd go in and he was running a fever albeit low, but just seemed miserable.  In the morning we went to the pediatrician.  His ear was clear and she chalked it up to a nasty cold.  Took his brother to preschool and went home for his nap.  He slept decently but was still so uncomfortable to the point of almost shivering and very stiff.  He didn't want to be in his car seat, high chair, or on the floor.  He just wanted to be held.  Well after nap as I was changing his diaper and saw IT.  Or rather felt IT.  A palm sized knot on his bum.  It wasn't discolored.  No bruise.  Just a lump.  Poor baby!  It was a sort of muscle bleed deep in his bottom.  Called the nurse, picked up big brother and headed off to childrens.  I wasn't so much stressed about what was coming, but rather the fact that my husband was out of town and I couldn't find anyone to watch Jack.  I really hated having to take him along to see his little brother getting poked.  We got to Childrens too late in the day for the sibling room to be available to I was pretty anxious about having my spirited 3 year old bouncing around the clinic.  We got lucky.  The nurse got a vein fast and we were done within an hour.  The sweetest part was that Jack laid next to his baby brother and held his hand while singing twinkle twinkle and patting his head.  Thr crummy part was Will was not better the next day.  We ended up treating him for 4 days altogether.  Each day he was better but it took 4 doses to get back to 100%.  The second day was the hardest.  For me and him.  As soon as we went in to get vitals he started crying.  He knew!  Every nurse that walked by made him cry.  It got worse!  The nurse took forever to just find a freakin' vein!  He was screaming the whole time and she hadn't even poked him.  We were tryin to do a hep-lock since we knew we'd be having multiple treatments.  When the nurse finally "tried" a poke she didn't get it.  We decided to take a break.  Another hour later the IV team nurse came in.  She couldn't get it either.  I finally told her to use a butterfly and get it over with.  Three hours and about 5 pokes later we left.  I was in tears before we were through.  I could only be strong for so long.  I hated hearing him cry like that.  I know how it feels when they can't get a vein and they're fishing around.  I just hated this day.  The next two days were better.  We both got some better sleep and by the third and fourth day I was ready and had a plan.  First, I had them call the IV team right away.  I was NOT messing around.  He'd had 5 pokes and couldn't even look at a nurse without crying.  Today as soon as we walked down the hall he was crying!  Second, when the nurse saw all the little holes, we discussed other options.  Although his hair is growing in, it's still pretty thin, so I asked if she could try a vein in his head.  This freaks out a lot of people, including some of the younger nurses, but I knew this was our best option.  There no baby chub, you can see the vein, and it's shallow.  It's no problem with a butterfly.  She agreed and in 1 poke we were good!  Same with day 4.  2 pokes was all it took!  Whew!  By the last day I was exhausted with this routine and having to be strong, but by the last day Will was calm as he sat on my lap.  I brought snacks and juice and cookies.  He didn't even cry during the vitals.  I always remember that the bad parts get us to whats good.  Factor.  And now he's good as new!